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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23512615">The Lullaby</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThoughtfulBreadPolice/pseuds/ThoughtfulBreadPolice'>ThoughtfulBreadPolice</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Round32020 [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Outlast (Video Games), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Venom (Movie 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Child Abuse, Depression, Description of an anxiety attack, Despair, F/F, F/M, Gen, Graphic Description of Corpses, How Many Cannibals Are In This Thing?, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, I'm Doing My Best To Warn You, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Jane gets herself into trouble, LOTS of violence, M/M, Major Character Injury, Murder, Not Only Are People Going To Die, One Cannibal, One of these things just doesn't belong here!, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, People Are Going To Die Okay?, Poor Life Choices, Poor Tony, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prison, They're Going To Get Eaten Too, This Fic Is Graphic, This Fic Is Meant To Be Scary, This is Graphic, Thor loves Jane, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Two Cannibals, also known as a panic attack, be warned, because she doesnt pay attention, cannibals, lots of blood, ptsd is an umbrella for all kinds of things to hide under, remote controlled door locks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:08:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23512615</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThoughtfulBreadPolice/pseuds/ThoughtfulBreadPolice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of his mother’s death and with new friends at his side, Tony’s search for the truth leads him to a Psychiatric Hospital owned by Alexander Pierce and what Tony and his friends find inside changes everything.  </p><p>But Pierce Psychiatric Hospital isn’t what it seems and the search for answers becomes a struggle to get out alive before The Lullaby comes online and time runs out.</p><p>*This fic is being revised.  The story will still be the same, but I am unhappy with the lack of detail and the sketchy flow between one scene and the next so the current chapters are being put through an overhaul.*</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau, Clint Barton &amp; Tony Stark &amp; Sam Wilson, Clint Barton &amp; Venom, Clint Barton/Eddie Brock, James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes &amp; Tony Stark, Jane Foster/Thor, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Round32020 [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601194</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Tony Stark Bingo 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Bare Bones</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks to larissaloki and somiko_raven  for being a sounding board and listening to me carry on.  (Go read their stuff, it's amazing!!!)</p><p>Card Number: 3018<br/>Square Filled: R3/Backstory</p><p>Chapter Summary:  Tony reflects on how he got here.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Chapter has been revamped and I hope everyone enjoys the new version!</p><p>We went from 672 words all the way up to 3,874 words!  Hurray!</p><p>I hope everyone loves it as much as I do!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>So many things had changed for him in such a short amount of time and Tony, despite his best effort to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>think about everything that had happened, couldn’t help but let his mind wander. It was a lengthy car ride from the city after all, and there was nothing else to do but watch as towering grey and glass buildings gave way to trees of aspen and pine that tried to touch the sky. There was nothing else to do but </span>
  <span>unwilfully</span>
  <span> let his mind wander through the past few months; hell, the past few </span>
  <em>
    <span>years </span>
  </em>
  <span>and remember.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony was seventeen when his mother told him that his father had gone missing.  He can recall with a stark clarity the sheer </span>
  <em>
    <span>relief </span>
  </em>
  <span>in his mother’s eyes, and Tony knows that if his mother had been anything other than the kind, delicate sort of woman she had been, he would have suspected her to have some sort of complacency in his father’s death.  Not that Tony would have blamed her for it.  She wouldn’t have blamed him either.  But in this at least, they were both guiltless. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Some of course might wonder at the relief Howard Stark’s family might feel, but anyone who knew, </span>
  <em>
    <span>really knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> Howard like Tony and his mother had, could have given an incredibly good reason as to why they would feel literally anything other than grief.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>As far as Tony was aware however...  nobody really knew what Howard had been like behind closed doors.  Charisma and a deep well of seemingly endless charm and wit could, would, and had, fooled many people into thinking only the very best of the man.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The truth had been the complete opposite of everything that the man had shown to the world stage. Which was the undeniable fact that Howard had been a violent drunk, and he’d been drunk all of the time, and there had been nothing anyone could do against the drunken violence that Howard had meted out on his own wife and son.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>There had been no place to hide in the ostentatious mansion that Howard had purchased once he’d become wealthy enough to maintain such an extravagant home and life style.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Look at me, look at me </span>
  </em>
  <span>the mansion said.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Do you see my wealth?  Do you see the power I hold? </span>
  </em>
  <span>All of it, down to the very paint that coated some of the walls in Howard’s house screamed opulence.  A blatant, in the face brag that couldn’t be escaped from.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>And the wife and son were not, despite the abuse, spared from Howard’s exaggerated peacocking of wealth and power.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>They dressed well, they smiled vapid and pretty and never, not once let anyone in all the world see the terror that filled them every waking moment that Howard was in the same </span>
  <em>
    <span>state </span>
  </em>
  <span>as them.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Maria, delicate, kind Maria having lost much of what had made her, </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>after so many years under Howard’s thumb, couldn’t bring herself to protect her own son from his father.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony loved her, but a part of him wouldn’t, </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>ever forgive her for just standing by and </span>
  <em>
    <span>watching </span>
  </em>
  <span>her husband beat their only child.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d been too afraid of him, he knew that.  But it didn’t make it any easier to forgive, and while he was sure she had known to some degree, Tony never really had been able to bring her failings as a mother into the light of day.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>So he’d ignored it.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>So had she. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Life moved on for them, and it was the most peaceful either of them had been in waking memory.  Certainly, for Tony- who had spent his entire seventeen years with his shoulder’s hiked up around his ears in a constant state of wariness and never-ending caution- experiencing life without the looming threat of Howard leant a lot of credence to the idea of a peaceful life.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Each day that passed without finding his father saw Tony relaxing more and more, and maybe it meant that there was something wrong with him, but a very large part of him had hoped with everything he was, that Howard was never found.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hoped with a fervent sort of desperation that he and his mother really could have a life after Howard.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>And exactly one year to the day from when Howard had been reported missing, Maria Stark, </span>
  <em>
    <span>his grieving wife,</span>
  </em>
  <span> declares her husband dead.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The funeral is just as opulent as Howard’s house and just as packed full of lies as the man’s entire life had been.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘What a tragedy.’</span>
  </em>
  <span> They said.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘How awful that such a life would be cut short before his time.’</span>
  </em>
  <span> Was said as well.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘His poor wife.’</span>
  </em>
  <span> and</span>
  <em>
    <span> ‘His poor son.’</span>
  </em>
  <span> Were all said with conviction, and all by people just as fake as the life Howard had showed to the world.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sympathy was disgusting and Tony spent the entire time with his mouth pressed into a thin line and his hands clenched tight.  He didn’t look at anyone and he didn’t speak, and only his mother knew that his self-imposed silence was all that kept her son from standing up and shouting at everyone.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘How could you all be so stupid?!’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tony wanted to say.  He wanted to rip his shirt open and show them the scars he carried on his back.  ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>This is who the man you grieve for really was!’</span>
  </em>
  <span>  He wanted to yell.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he didn’t, and the funeral carried on in complete ignorance to the truth that had been the real Howard Stark.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Later the chief of police, Nick Fury, would promise them that he would keep Howard’s case open.  They would find the truth, he promised.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not that he or his mother actually cared.  The king was dead, and the coffers had gone to his son and the keys to the kingdom were his too, as soon as he hit twenty-one.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Three weeks after the funeral, Obadiah </span>
  <span>Stane</span>
  <span> takes temporary control of Stark Industries and tells Tony, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Just until you’re twenty-one </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>m’boy</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>!’  </span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>But twenty-one was three years away and Tony wanted nothing at all to do with his father’s company.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>To him, being forced to share the man’s last name and blood was more than enough.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Too much, sometimes when the nights stretched long and Tony couldn’t help but lie awake waiting for Howard to appear like a wraith in the dark.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just because the man was dead, didn’t mean his ghost was and Tony felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>hunted </span>
  </em>
  <span>every moment he spent in Howard’s house.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>His mother’s platitude's that, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘It will pass’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>rang empty and hollow and fell short of the comfort that such banality, should have given him because he knew that she felt just as hunted by Howard’s ghost as he did.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>So he just smiles, vapid and pretty, and pretends that just the </span>
  <em>
    <span>thought </span>
  </em>
  <span>of running Stark Industries, doesn’t make him sick to his stomach.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pretends that the thought of it doesn’t feel like a death sentence to him instead of the crowning achievement- the youngest CEO in history- that it’s supposed to be.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>In another life, the possessive glint in Obadiah’s eyes would have had several alarm bells ringing in his head, but in </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>life, Tony is glad that he doesn’t have to take over the company </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thankful that he has three years to figure out how to either create his own company, which would be the complete opposite of Howard’s; or take his father’s company and move it away from what it had been.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Either way, Tony wanted more than anything to move himself away from Howard’s legacy of war and blood and death. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony wanted to build for a better tomorrow, and he spent the next two years doing just that.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anything and everything that came to Tony’s mind was put in one of his many, many journals.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Artificial intelligence, better, faster phones and tablets, better body armor and search and rescue droids, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much more</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>And if it wasn’t possible to build it immediately?  Then Tony would put a small, bright yellow sticker next to the idea and write </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘tomorrow’</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had plans.  So many plans, and Tony began to look forward to being twenty-one instead of dreading it.  He was going to be the Stark that moved the world into a better, cleaner future.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stark Industries, he decided, would no longer be built upon the backs of the people that had been killed by the very weapons the company had been building for decades.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Let Hammer Industries take the market in war because Tony refused to follow in his father’s footsteps and leave behind a legacy of ash.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was not his father, and he didn’t want to be.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>A dozen police move swift and quiet through the Stark mansion and yank him out of his bed.  Dazed and confused, the idea to fight doesn’t even cross his mind as the arresting officer- Brock </span>
  <span>Rumlow</span>
  <span>- zip ties his wrists together behind his back and haul him up and out of the house.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He is twenty years old.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The entire ride to the police station</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> Tony asks why he’s been arrested.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>No one answers him.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>No one gives him his one, legally allowed phone </span>
  <span>call</span>
  <span> when they get to the district </span>
  <span>allotted</span>
  <span> police station</span>
  <span> either.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, they take his fingerprints so that he can be more easily identified should he commit another crime- not that he’s committed a crime in the first place, but no one listens.  No one seems to care- and then they proceed to take him to another</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> smaller room, with a single shower stall- there is no curtain for privacy- and t</span>
  <span>ell him to </span>
  <span>strip naked.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It is dehumanizing and hands down the most embarrassing thing Tony has ever been forced to experience.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brock </span>
  <span>Rumlow’s</span>
  <span> hungry, cruel gaze as he hands Tony an orange pullover shirt, baggy orange pants and</span>
  <span> a pair</span>
  <span> of</span>
  <span> ugly orange crocks to wear- the pants are too big, and Tony has to take them off and ask for a smaller pair- makes his skin crawl, and he wishes he was anywhere but where he is.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>They don’t even let him keep his underwear, because they aren’t white</span>
  <span> and the prison garb</span>
  <span> is stiff</span>
  
  <span>from to</span>
  <span>o</span>
  <span> much starch </span>
  <span>and </span>
  <span>the generic laundry soap </span>
  <span>they washed them in makes him itch.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It is only after they have placed him into the holding tank- a small rectangular room with a </span>
  <span>thin</span>
  <span>, dark blue</span>
  <span>, plastic</span>
  <span> pad- something you would find in a gymnastics class- on top of a concrete shelf, a low wall and a toilet/sink combination- that Tony begins to feel real panic trying to set in.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Every breath he takes is a monumental effort to not crack and break down crying.  They are watching him, he knows through the window and the camera in the corner and while Tony doesn’t know why he’s been arrested- they </span>
  <em>
    <span>still </span>
  </em>
  <span>won't tell him anything- he refuses to give them the satisfaction of seeing him cry, hyperventilate and freak out about the situation he’d found himself in.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The pillow they bring him is small but the blanket is thick and warm</span>
  <span> and Tony </span>
  <span>buries himself under it and pulls the rest over his head.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>I</span>
  <span>t is only then, with</span>
  <span> that small </span>
  <span>piece of privacy </span>
  <span>the grey blanket</span>
  
  <span>provides-</span>
  <span>grey just like the walls that </span>
  <span>are closing in on him- </span>
  <span>that Tony lets</span>
  <span> the tears in his eyes leak out.  </span>
  <span>They</span>
  <span> are fat and slide down his face</span>
  <span> in a slow caress that </span>
  <span>leaves </span>
  <span>a trail of wetness</span>
  <span> behind them</span>
  <span>.  Tony breathes thr</span>
  <span>ough each shuddering </span>
  <span>sob, turning them into gasps that</span>
  <span> ca</span>
  <span>n</span>
  <span> barely be heard</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> and</span>
  
  <span>that</span>
  <span> allows him to control the jerk</span>
  <span>ing heave of his shoulders</span>
  <span> as he cries silently.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of the </span>
  <span>night</span>
  <span> passes t</span>
  <span>hat way</span>
  <span> and Tony is exhausted and emotionally drained when they pull him from the holding tank and take him to </span>
  <span>general</span>
  <span> population</span>
  <span> in the morning that follows</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the weeks that follow Tony is denied bail and the trial that follows is not only a sham- they don’t allow Pepper, </span>
  <span>Rhodey</span>
  <span> and Happy to stand in his defense or even allow them to visit him- but it makes it painfully obvious that Obadiah </span>
  <span>Stane</span>
  <span> wants him in prison and out of his way.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The shock and his very loud denial when he finally learns- in the courtroom- that he is being charged with the murder of his mother- </span>
  <em>
    <span>his mother-</span>
  </em>
  <span> and the disappearance of his father, is ignored.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony knows that the lawyer that has been provided for him is being paid to make sure that he doesn’t get free after that.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mostly because Tony knows that Mr. Denton is on Obadiah’s pay roll.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Obadiah takes the stand and tells the court that Tony is a ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>sociopath your honor, and I knew he was a troubled as a kid, but he’d seemed to settle down in recent years.  I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t think it was because he’d most likely killed his father.  They never got along you see, but Howard loved his son and refused to listen to anyone who told him that Tony might have been better off in a hospital where he could receive the help someone like him needed.’</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It is this statement, in spite of his many protests- and a severe lack of evidence- that sees him sent to Attica, one of the most dangerous correctional facilities in New York.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Prison...</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Prison is not kind to Tony.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He is beaten and harassed almost daily and </span>
  <span>Tony is</span>
  <span> thankful that that is all that happens to him.  But he </span>
  <span>also </span>
  <span>knows that eventually</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> the beatings and harassment will escalate and Tony tries his best not to think about what will happen to him when it does.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It doesn’t bear thinking about</span>
  <span> and so, he ignores it</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony is in prison one-month shy of a year when he comes, quite on accident, into the sphere of the newly transferred, Logan, no last name.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Apparently, Logan, for all the fight he’s got inside of him can’t quite stand it when people beat down on a kid, and when he comes across one of Tony’s tormentors in the process of beating his face in- again- hauls Credent off of him and proceeds to pound his big knuckled fists into the bastard's face.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony </span>
  <span>apricates</span>
  <span> it.  Even if being called- being considered- a kid rankles something inside of him.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He is not a child, has not been a child for a very long time, and when he tells Logan such, the older man laughs and laughs like </span>
  <span>Tony’d</span>
  <span> said something infinitely hilarious.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony, more than a little offended, picks himself up off of the ground, and head held high in spite of the blood in his mouth and on his face- he has been beaten, yes, but he is not </span>
  <em>
    <span>broken thank you very much</span>
  </em>
  <span>- marches past the other male and his loud unnecessary laughter.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It is several weeks before Tony notices that he had not only gained a new ‘friend’ in Logan, but everyone who’d been bothering him since his arrival had stopped doing so.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony turns to look at the man next to him at the table and asks, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘what do you want?’</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  He doesn’t believe him when Logan says, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Nothin</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>’.’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>in reply.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everybody wants something.  It is the one, true constant of the universe.  It is the only thing Tony ever admits that Howard was right about. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everybody wants something.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Tony, he doesn’t believe in debts. </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not here.  Not in this place, where a debt could see you turned inside and out and around until you don’t remember which way is up.  Either that, or you’re so far down you can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>find </span>
  </em>
  <span>up.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Logan laughs at him again when he sees Tony’s ‘I don’t believe you’ face and tells him, “Already got what I want kid. Don’ worry ‘bout it.”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It is an answer that leaves Tony feeling cold inside.  But he doesn’t answer.  Doesn’t try and dig for more because while it doesn’t really make all that much sense to him, prison has taught Tony that leaving shit alone is the best thing that you can do for yourself.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Attica Prison has taught Tony how to ignore what he sees and hears even though he sees and hears everything.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s blind, deaf and partially dumb whenever anyone asks him about anything.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s much safer that way.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony is baffled when Logan insists on teaching him how to fight.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Logan telling him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Nah, not fight kid, brawl.  </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Ain’t</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> got a single style but how to hit low and hard and keep on </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>goin</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>’ ‘till the other guy can’t.’  </span>
  </em>
  <span>is mildly terrifying.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Logan insists on teaching him how to throw a proper punch or two and begins to follow him everywhere- including somehow managing to get his cell switched so that they shared the same one- when Tony refuses and begins attempting to evade him.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony is convinced that Logan is crazy.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Logan laughs when he’s told, and persists, and the following year- right up to the day of his twenty second birthday- is filled with being taught how to hold his own in a fight long enough to either take the other guy by surprise and cause maximum damage, or failing that, how to stun the </span>
  <span>opposition</span>
  <span> so that he could make a get-away.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>According to Logan, such a thing was called a</span>
  <em>
    <span> ‘tactical retreat’</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  </span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The day of his twenty second birthday dawns early for Tony.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>For starters he is woken up in the pre-dawn hours by the night guard, handed a small tote bag, and told to pack his things.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony, operating under the assumption that he is moving into a different cell, grabs his stack of five coded notebooks, tooth brush, tooth paste, and hair comb, shoves them into the dull grey bag and follows the guard out of what he assumes, is his now, old cell.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony can feel himself starting to worry about where the guard is taking him after they’ve left Cell Block ‘C’.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>C Block is the only one that houses the ‘low risk’ prisoners.  It is also the </span>
  <em>
    <span>least </span>
  </em>
  <span>watched block with the </span>
  <em>
    <span>most</span>
  </em>
  <span>, easily bribed guards.  If you had something to bribe them with anyways.  Which Tony didn’t and was why he had been getting his ass kicked almost daily until Logan had shown up from wherever the hell it was that he’d actually come from.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony forces down every emotion he has that wants to bubble up and out of him when the guard takes him down hallways he’s only ever walked down once before when they’d first transferred him from the county jail to Attica.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The prisoner intake/outtake center was just as bleak and panic inducing as it had been the first time that Tony had seen it.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>What was new was the black man standing on the other side of the glass where the people who had come to take a newly released prisoner home.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rhodey</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>standing on the other side of that glass.  His best friend who he hadn’t been able to see since everything had happened nearly three years ago, and Tony didn’t want to hope.  But he couldn’t help it.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d been one of the very few prisoners in C Block that had been denied any and all contact with the outside world.  Including letters.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, for Tony, who’d been cut off from his support base from the very beginning- seeing </span>
  <span>Rhodey</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <em>
    <span> his best friend</span>
  </em>
  <span>, standing there smiling and crying without an ounce of shame- Tony felt his heart stutter as his eyes began to sting and his breath caught.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The guard guides him into a small changing room- </span>
  <em>
    <span>away from </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Rhodey</span>
  </em>
  <span>- and hands him a bag containing a Judas Priest band shirt, soft worn blue jeans, black Adidas and an overly large, well worn, faded blue MIT hoody to change into.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony looks at the guard.  “Am I going home?” he asks, and it is the very first time Tony has ever seen the crotchety old man with no name tag crack a smile.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s small and brittle but it’s there and Tony feels hope bite and claw its way up through his chest cavity and into his throat, choking him.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah kid,” the old man says.  “you’re going home.”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony is sure that he’d never gotten dressed so fast in his life.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hugging </span>
  <span>Rhodey</span>
  <span> and breaking down in tears for the first time in so long was expected and </span>
  <span>Rhodey</span>
  <span> held him back just as strongly and cried right along with him.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s only after they’ve finally made it to the car that </span>
  <span>Rhodey</span>
  <span> asks him what he knows about everything that had happened.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony tells him the truth, which is </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and watched his friend’s knuckles pale from gripping the steering wheel too tight.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rhodey</span>
  <span> doesn’t wait for Tony to ask.  He starts from the beginning.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>His mother had been shot, point blank in the chest and left to die and </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone </span>
  </em>
  <span>had called the police to report it.  Only they had given them the description of a man that had matched Tony’s.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>After Tony’s sham of a trial, </span>
  <span>Rhodey</span>
  <span> had launched a full scale, </span>
  <em>
    <span>very private</span>
  </em>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> investigation into everything and everyone who had had anything even remotely to do with the investigation and </span>
  <span>Rhodey’s</span>
  <span> very first target had been Obadiah Stane.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pepper, Happy and </span>
  <span>Rhodey</span>
  <span> hadn’t been allowed into the court room but they, just like everyone else in the country, had watched the live broadcast of the trial, and having to sit there and listen to the man </span>
  <span>blatantly</span>
  <span> lie about, and slander their best friend had painted a very large target on his back.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>What </span>
  <span>Rhodey’s</span>
  <span> PI, Maria Rambeau- a current air force pilot and mother- and her wife and sometimes investigative partner Carol Danvers had discovered about Obadiah Stane and his dealings had eventually </span>
  <span>led</span>
  <span> to his arrest.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not only had Obadiah Stane been committing </span>
  <span>financial statement manipulation, but a whole laundry list of unethical practices and behaviors including, </span>
  <span>corporate fraud, </span>
  <span>insider trading,</span>
  <span> money laundering</span>
  <span>- he'd been selling under the table to terrorist organizations across the globe including </span>
  <span>Sokovia</span>
  <span> and a terrorist cell known only as the Ten Rings- and murder for hire.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rhodey</span>
  <span> and Pepper had hired Maria- and Carol- once the trial had begun and two years </span>
  <span>later,</span>
  <span> they’d finally found the proof that not only was Tony innocent but Maria Stark’s killer had been an </span>
  <span>unknown</span>
  <span> man that had been hired by Obadiah.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tony Stark had about to become the new CEO of Stark Industries.  This would have removed Stane from his power base and placed himself in danger from the people he’d been dealing with.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The </span>
  <span>white-collar</span>
  <span> crime and </span>
  <span>homeland</span>
  <span> security would be dealing with Stane and his mess for years as they uncovered more and more of his bad deeds.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unfortunately, Stane had never made it to trial.  He’d been killed in transit when the driver had suddenly lost control of the vehicle and drove right into on-coming traffic killing the driver and Stane both.</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Irregardless</span>
  <span>, Tony was free and as he looked out at the scenery </span>
  <span>Rhodey</span>
  <span> drove them pass, he wondered what it would take and what he would have to do to find his mother’s really killer.</span>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Some fun facts:<br/>Financial statement manipulation-The manipulation of financial statements to commit fraud against investors or skirt regulation Managers may also "cook the books" in order to qualify for certain executive compensation that relies on certain financial performance metrics being met.<br/>Corporate fraud-Corporate fraud refers to illegal activities undertaken by an individual or company that are done in a dishonest or unethical manner. Often, this kind of business fraud is designed to give an advantage to the perpetrating individual or company. Corporate fraud schemes go beyond the scope of an employee's stated position and are marked by their complexity and economic impact on the business, other employees, and outside parties.<br/>Insider trading- Insider trading involves trading in a public company's stock by someone who has non-public, material information about that stock for any reason. Insider trading can be either illegal or legal depending on when the insider makes the trade. It is illegal when the material information is still non-public, and this sort of insider trading comes with harsh consequences.<br/>Money laundering- Money laundering is the illegal process of making large amounts of money generated by a criminal activity, such as drug trafficking or terrorist funding, appear to have come from a legitimate source. The money from the criminal activity is considered dirty, and the process "launders" it to make it look clean.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Truth Seeker</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tony starts his search for the truth about what happened to his mother. Information from a 'reformed' thief accidently puts Tony in the path of a serial killer and rescue comes from an unlikely pair of journalists.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Card Number: 3018<br/>Square Filled: A4/Phobia</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony spends the next three years of his life following false information and dead ends <em>because someone out there doesn’t want the truth getting dragged into the light</em> before he finally finds a viable lead, and it comes from a down-on-his-luck, reformed petty thief,<em> ‘Call me Scott’</em>, who tells him about a man that goes by the name of Bobby Nash.</p>
<p>Apparently and according to Scott, Mr. Nash used to work for a ‘<em>big bald dude, man.  Kinda tubby around the middle?  Yeah, don’t know ‘bout any names or nothin’ but he looked fucking rich, and word around says that that guy used to hire Nash to make people disapear, in a not-so-fun way, if you catch my meaning.’  </em></p>
<p>Scott also, eventually, and with much cajoling and needling on Tony’s part tells him where he can find the man<em> in an ice cream parlor of all places</em> and leaves him with a parting warning to <em>‘be fucking careful man, that Nash guy is bad news’</em>. It is a piece of advice that Tony later regrets not listening to because Bobby Nash is far far worse than anyone could have guessed.</p>
<p>When Scott had told Tony that the killer-for-hire worked in an ice cream parlor, he had honestly believed it to be some sort of slang for the criminal underground or some other such thing.  As such, Tony found himself genuinely surprised to find himself standing in front of an old, well kept, one story, red brick building boasting a lovely sign in ice blue that declared it to be </p>
<p>‘Nash’s Ice Cream’<br/>Let’s have a bite.</p>
<p>which was propped up inside the wide clear-glass bay window trimmed in white.</p>
<p>It was like something out of an old timey photograph and Tony found himself just as reluctantly impressed with the inside of the building as he had been with the outside of it.</p>
<p>Brightly lit with light blue walls and a dark blue trim, and the brightly colored pictures hung up along its walls gave it a cheerful vibe.  Warm wood tables and comfortable looking chairs invited customers to stay a while and all along the left side of the large room was a massive stainless steel counter sat next to no less than ten large dome glass freezers showcasing a colorful tableau of ice creams.</p>
<p>It was a wonderful place except for the man standing behind the counter.  Bobby Nash was a nasty, dirty presence in an otherwise happy environment.  He was tall and lanky with broad shoulders and over-long arms.  His hands were narrow and boney and some of his fingers were bent askew like they’d been broken several times.</p>
<p>But what really threw Tony off at this point was Bobby Nash’s face.  His chin and his cheeks were pointed with thin, almost scowling lips.  His nose was also pointed and seemed to droop over his upper lip and his face, his face seemed to have had ridges carved into it.  Rolling hills filled with dirt and grime and grease with thick bright blonde hair t<em>hat seemed to be the only clean thing about him aside from his shirt. A crisp bright blue button down with a pen in the left breast pocket.</em>  His eyes on the other hand were frightening.  They were just a little too round and a little too wide and it made Nash seem as if he was perpetually surprised.<em> His eyebrows when they rose completed the look and made the dirty ridges in his forehead stand out.  </em></p>
<p>They were shark eyes.  Great big black things surrounded by a thin ring or blue-ish white and sunken into his face, hollow and dead.  They disturbed Tony greatly and made him want to look away, and at anything other than the creepy looking man behind the counter.</p>
<p>And then Nash began to smile and Tony felt sweat begin to bead along his forehead and along the back of his neck because Nash’s smile was a grotesque malformed thing, thin lips stretched too wide over too big teeth <em>dirty and yellowed and slimy</em> and it made the thick, ridges on his cheeks and forehead stand out, almost like his skin had been peeled down to the bone at one point in his life and it had healed unevenly.  It made Tony shudder. </p>
<p>Nash when he spoke tilted his head to the right and his speech was slow and seemed to slither over Tony like oil. ‘Hello there.  Would you like to have a <em>bite</em>?’</p>
<p>Tony, who realized in that moment that he should have taken Scott’s warning to heart, shook his head the word <em>‘No</em>.’ getting stuck in his too tight throat, and turned to the door.  Only the knob wouldn’t turn and Tony beginning to panic began to try and yank the door open, Tony shook the handle repeatedly hoping to unstick it, and looked up to see Bobby Nash’s shark eyes far too close, snapped around and pressed his back to the red door.</p>
<p>‘Are you sure?’  Nash’s head tilted to the left <em>and that facsimile of a smile was still there,</em> and Tony felt himself shake his head <em>‘No.</em>’ again.  Bobby tilted his head to the right. ‘Then why are you here?’</p>
<p>Tony swallowed hard and whispered breathless,  ‘I, I, had a-a question…’ Tony couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.  <em>Why had he come here?  Why hadn’t he listened to Scott? </em></p>
<p>Nash tilted his head to the right again.  ‘A question?  About what?’  and Tony began to hear Bobby mumble under his breath as his head tilted left once more, ‘...tilting, tilting, always tilting Bobby… won't you come home?...’  </p>
<p>
  <em>If he survived this he was never, ever, going to go into another ice cream shop again.</em>
</p>
<p>Tony let out a breathless cry as he fell backwards through the now open door, back into the bright sunshine and four pairs of arms.</p>
<p>Tony shuddered as he was pulled away from the picture perfect building, shuddered and felt cold because <em>there had been a remote control in Bobby Nash’s left hand.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Haven't You Heard Yet?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clint and Sam tell Tony about their missing friend Thor and his scientist girlfriend Jane. Tony, has an epiphany and shares.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The warnings for this chapter are in the tags, but just in case you missed it, I describe in great detail, a panic attack (anxiety attack).  Please note that not everyone experiences them this way.  I am simply drawing on my own personal experience having one and also my experience helping someone else come down from one.  Please mind the tags guys, but I will also try my best to remember to add warnings here in the notes for certain chapters.</p>
<p>As always, thanks to my dear friend larissaloki for being the phenomenal human being that she is.</p>
<p>Enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">
      <em>Last Time</em>
    </span>
  </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Tony let out a breathless cry as he fell backwards through the now open door, back into the bright sunshine and four pairs of arms.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tony shuddered as he was pulled away from the picture perfect building, shuddered and felt cold because there had been a remote control in Bobby Nash’s left hand.</em>
</p>
<p>Tony didn’t know what was happening to him.  He couldn’t seem to catch his breath, and his chest felt tight, like someone had wrapped a steel band around his chest, so heavy it hurt.  It also felt like someone was squeezing his head between their hands, and the only thing Tony could hear was a whooshing sound in his ears that sounded like he was standing next to the ocean.  It didn’t make any sense,<em> and he didn’t know what was happening to him!</em></p>
<p>Slowly, as though he’d been crawling through molasses, Tony became aware that he was in a vehicle and that someone was talking to him, a low ‘sh sh sh, it’s okay, you're okay. Sh sh sh just breathe buddy, in - two, three, out - two three, just like that.  Breathe.  Yeah, it’s okay, sh sh sh’ </p>
<p>As Tony began to calm down he looked up at the guy that had saved him and as soon as Tony could talk without forcing words through his still clogged throat he was going to thank him.  <em>A door that shouldn’t be locked</em>, Tony shook his head to banish the thought.  It wouldn’t do for him to think about it.  Not right now anyways.  Not when it was still so fresh.  </p>
<p>“Hey! There you are!  How you feeling man?  I ask cause you like, really freaked out there you know?  Not that we blame you of course.  I was freaking out just watching that wacko sneak up on you like that.”  Tony blinked and made a low humming noise.  “Ah, having a hard time getting your throat to work?” Tony nodded as the other guy began to nod along with him.  “Yeah, that happens sometimes with bad panic attacks.  Don’t worry though!  It’ll come back pretty quick.”</p>
<p>“Maybe tell him who you are first, dumb ass.  Dude’s probably wondering why his head is in the lap of a crazy person.”  The young man driving had turned around in his seat to look at him.  “My name’s Sam.  Sam Wilson, and the guy you're laying on is Clint Barton.  We’re investigative journalists.”</p>
<p>“Yup!”  Clint bounced a little.  “That’s why we were over at that place.  We were following a lead we got about some stuff.  We were going to talk to that guy, Bobby Nash?  Yeah, we were doing that right and then we saw you walk in and we waited and then shit got a little weird right?”  Clint turned his head towards Sam and watched him nod and give a quiet reply ‘ yeah, that’s what was going down’ and Clint nodded again.  “Yeah, yeah.  So we were watching you, kinda, and this misty stuff came outta the ceiling, almost like a fog.”</p>
<p>Sam interrupted then.  “Yeah but it was really thin.  The only reason we saw it at all was because the ceiling opened up.”  Sam parked the car and turned completely around.  “Anyways, I promise we aren’t crazy but you look like you need some company so we are gunna take you up to our place, let you get your bearings a bit okay?”</p>
<p>Tony swallowed and gave a  low, raspy “Thank you.  Thank you for saving me.”</p>
<p>Sam smiled.  “Hey man, you looked like you were in some serious trouble.”  Tony watched as Sam got out of the car and came around to open up the rear passenger door for him.  “It was no problem at all.  We’re just kind of wondering what you were doing there, but I know it’s none of our business, and if you don’t want to talk about it, then that’s fine too okay?” </p>
<p>Tony felt like he was being placated for some reason, though he couldn’t quite figure out why.  <em>He’d almost died.  He’d almost died, <strong>oh my god-</strong></em> Tony took a deep breath and told himself to keep breathing like Clint had been saying,  <em>in two, three.  Out two, three</em>, and let Sam pull him out of the car while Clint placed a hand on his back to steady him.  </p>
<p>His mouth felt dry, like he hadn’t had anything to drink in a while and licked his lips.  “I was uh, I was following my own lead.  He,”  Tony paused for a moment and tried to stand under his own power, “That guy, he had a remote control in his hand and I couldn't,  how did you get the door open?”</p>
<p>Clint grinned.  “Well, see I used to work in the circus yeah?”  He said it like that was all the explanation he needed to give and really, it kind of was.  “And Sam here, he was a corporal in the air force for a good long while right?  Hey, watch your step here, the pavements cracked.”</p>
<p>Tony couldn’t help but smile and gave a small laugh.  Clint seemed lighthearted in a way Tony didn't expect to find in people anymore and both he and Sam were far kinder than Tony would have guessed if he’d only met them in passing.  “Well, I can’t say I've met anyone that used to work in a circus before, but a good friend of mine is a Lieutenant Colonel in the Air Force.”</p>
<p>Sam smiled again.  “Really?  That’s amazing.”  Tony thought it was kind of amazing too.  Rhodey had worked so long and so hard to get to where he was today, and he couldn’t be more proud of his longest and dearest friend.</p>
<p>Tony sighed and looked up at the apartment building.  A small bronze plaque was pressed into the grey brick but time and exposure had made the words impossible to read.  Wuthering Heights stood five stories tall and was located in the low rent district.</p>
<p>“I’m Tony by the way.  Tony Stark.”</p>
<p>Clint and Sam smiled.  “Nice to meet you Tony.”  They said in tandem as though they’d rehearsed it first.  Tony just shook his head a little amused.</p>
<p>Clint and Sam, done with their silent conversation began to lead Tony to the narrow alleyway next to the building and Sam noticing Tony’s expression said, “Clint, the idiot that he is, lost the keys to our apartment a while ago, so we’ve been taking the fire escape.  It’s a bit rickety but perfectly safe.”</p>
<p>“Thanks Sam.  You guys said you wanted to know what I was doing there?”  Tony huffed as he began climbing the metal stairs of the fire escape.</p>
<p>“Well yeah man, but it can wait until we get inside you know?  We’ll get you all settled in and we’ll  drink coffee, exchange stories, maybe braid each other's hair and we’ll take you wherever it is you need to go yeah?”  Clint said from behind as they made their way upwards.</p>
<p>“Clint’s actually right for once.  There’s no rush Tony and really you don’t owe us anything.  But coincidence is a funny thing sometimes and I got a feeling we were all there at the same time for a reason.”  Sam paused and moved a little to the side as they reached the fifth floor landing.  “Here we are.  In you go Tony, and I’d apologize for the mess but it’s always this way and living with Barton for as long as I have has pretty much erased any and all shame I once had.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed and made his way inside as Clint huffed and muttered out “Rude yeah?  That’s very rude Sam.”</p>
<p>The inside of Clint and Sam’s apartment was a little messy, <em>too many empty pizza boxes</em>, and there was a plethora of purple shaded everything and all manner of bird pictures and little collectable figurines stashed into every nook and cranny but Tony wouldn’t call it a mess, and besides the weird taste in decor, there were books and notebooks and loose leaf papers covering just about every available surface.</p>
<p>The only truly empty places that Tony could see were the kitchen counters and oddly enough, the coffee table upon which sat two laptops, one of which was in bright purple while the other one was bright red.  Tony liked it.  It was comfortable and lived in and he felt himself relaxing even as Clint led him over to the couch.</p>
<p>Tony watched amused as Clint fluttered around complaining under his breath about ‘All these damn books Sam!  Why do you need all these books?’ and stacking them on top of other books and papers.  He listened as Sam banged around in the kitchen complaining right back at Clint ‘Do not mess up the system again Clint or I swear to god!’</p>
<p>“Here Tony, sit here okay?” said Clint and Tony smiled a little as he sat and Sam handed him a cup of coffee.  It was nice.</p>
<p>Tony looked at Sam as he frowned suddenly.  “You said your name was Tony Stark?”  he asked and Tony nodded.  “Huh.” he said.  “Like, the Tony Stark that got arrested for killing his mother but got released when they caught the real killer?  That Tony Stark?” </p>
<p>Tony nodded again.  “It didn’t really happen that way, and I don’t know if he killed her.  That’s why I was at that ice cream shop.  I think Obadiah hired Nash to kill my mother and I was trying to find out why but, well, you know what happened, but yeah, I’m that Tony.”</p>
<p>Sam made a sympathetic sound and sat down on the arm of the couch<em> purple like almost everything else, with red pillows hidden under books, and paper</em>.  “We were there for something similar.  A friend of ours, he’s a security guard at a mental hospital up in the mountains,  sent us a super vague note about how his girlfriend, she’s a doctor that works there, discovered something really bad about the place.”</p>
<p>Clint huffed.  “Yeah, only they never showed up when Thor said they were going to; did they?  And when we called that hospital right?  They said that they’d never even heard of a Thor Odinson or Jane Foster and they’d certainly never been employed at  Pierce Psychiatric Hospital.”  Clint squeezed a red pillow close to his chest, visibly upset and Sam swallowed hard.</p>
<p>“That’s why we were there.  Bobby Nash’s name was in Thor’s email, we were going to try and find out what he knew only we saw what was happening with you and” Sam sighed  “I’m pretty sure that if it hadn’t been you in there going through that, it would have been us.”</p>
<p>Tony sat quiet for a while thinking before he hummed.  “That is a lot to unpack.  But you said Pierce Psychiatric Hospital?”  Sam and Clint nodded.  “Howard, my dad?  He used to work there.  He disappeared when I was teenager, two years before my mom did.”</p>
<p>Clint stared hard at him for a moment.  “What are the fucking odds of that shit?  I mean seriously?  What are the fucking odds?”</p>
<p>All three of them sat quiet before Sam said, voice barely above a whisper,  “We should.”  Sam looked at them.  “We should go there.  All three of us, we can find out what happened to our friends”  Sam waved his finger between himself and Clint, and then pointed at Tony.  “and your parents.”</p>
<p>Tony and Clint looked at each other, a quiet sort of understanding.  “I have cash.”  Tony said.  “Lots of it.  We can plan and prepare without worrying about the cost.”</p>
<p>Clint nodded.  “Yeah.  Yeah man why not?  Lets do this.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Does anyone have any guesses as to the Bobby Nash connection?  I promise there is one!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Whistleblower</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jane makes a horrible discovery, and things go from bad to worse.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>All of this is un beta'ed so if anyone sees errors please let me know (While keeping in mind that I'm an American that uses American English (shame on me, I know.))!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Every ten minutes, like clockwork, the lights would flicker for a moment, andJane didn’t really understand why the electricians couldn't seem to fix it, but today Jane didn’t notice the lights.  </p><p>She’d made a breakthrough in her research; isolating certain parts of the brain with electric currents without damaging the other parts of the brain; and she was in a rush to get to the lab and share her work with the other scientists.</p><p>Folders and notes overflowing in her arms, Jane was reading over a document when she finally looked up and realized that she had no idea where she was.  The lights here were low and dim, the opposite of the bright florescent lights of the hallway she’d been in.  The walls and the floor were different here as well.  Here in this corridor the walls and floors were dark grey concrete slabs and the air smelled damp, almost like the water was seeping in somewhere.</p><p>On each side of her, as far as she could make out in the low light were thick steel doors.  Each one was six feet tall and had a keypad lock on the right.  Halfway up the doors Jane noticed that there was a single twelve inch by twelve inch window with four, one inch steel bars that were just wide enough for a man’s forearm to reach through.</p><p>Below the window was an inch wide slat <em>for a food tray</em>, Jane thought,<em> or something more sinister</em>.  The only thing that separated the otherwise identical doors was a small metal sheet stamped with black letters and numbers.  The door she was standing in front of was stamped with a <strong>H116</strong>.</p><p>“Hello?”  Jane took a breath and paused.  She thought that she’d seen something move behind the door but it was only now, after she’d spoken that she realized that the hall was eerily silent.  It was almost like everything had stopped and it was waiting silent and still for something.  </p><p>Jane shivered  and turned, peering into the gloom at the door behind her.  She thought she’d heard muttering.  She moved closer, only to freeze in fright at the sudden and harsh ‘Don’t’ coming from<strong> H116</strong>.</p><p>Jane whirled back around to face the door again and tried to peer into the darkness behind it.  “Is anyone there?”</p><p>“Yelena isn’t very stable.  You go over there, she’ll rip your hair out.”</p><p>“Yelena?  Wait, who are you?  What are you doing here?”  Curiosity at the mystery behind the door overrode Jane’s fear at being in a strange place had Jane moving even closer to <strong>H116.  </strong></p><p>“I’ve never seen you before.  Which means you are new, or you got lost.  Either way, you should leave.  It’s not safe for curious little scientists down here.”  The person’s voice was soft and lilting and Jane wondered at it.</p><p>“It’s not safe?  From what?  You?”  Jane was incurious.  Whoever this was, and whoever else was behind all the doors she could see, there was no way anyone could escape.  So Jane felt that she was as safe as she could be.</p><p>The woman behind the door laughed a little.  “No, little scientist.  Not me.  I, unlike my fellow compatriots, am still rather sane, whatever that’s worth.  Though I sometimes feel the madness that has taken them, trying to creep in behind me when I close my eyes;  I’m not the danger here.  It’s them.  All the other monsters behind all of these doors.”  The woman gave a bitter laugh then.  “Perhaps the real danger is in the doctors, and the other scientists.  They catch you down here, and you’ll find yourself behind one of these doors too.”</p><p>Jane was confused, and alarmed.  “I don-”</p><p><strong>H116</strong> interrupted her with a harsh ‘shshsh’  “There are people coming from the other end of the hall.  Don’t let them catch you here little scientist, or you’ll turn out like me, or maybe crazy Yelena across the way.  Run!”</p><p>Jane gasped and fled, because the woman had been right.  She could hear the voices of other people echoing off down the hall.</p><p>Jane ran, and ran.  Back up the stairs she went, her one inch black heels making a loud clattering sound as her soled feet came down hard on each metal step.  How she hadn’t noticed going down them, Jane had no idea, but she swore to herself that she would stop getting lost inside her own head.</p><p>The clattering gave way to a rapid <em>click click click</em> as she made it back to the corridor she took to the lab everyday.  Jane stopped then and pressed her back to the wall.  Her head made a dull <em>thud</em> as it hit.  She was suddenly exhausted and shaking and Jane mulled over everything that had just happened.</p><p>“Jane?  Are you alright?  What’s wrong?”  Jane startled and looked up.  She’d been so lost in her head again, that she hadn’t heard anyone approaching her.  But, it was just Thor, and Thor was the kindest sweetest man she’d ever known.  She was okay.</p><p>“I need to talk to you.” She breathed out in a rush, talking fast.  “Something’s happened.  I discovered something and I think-  Thor, I think something bad is happening here and-”  Jane sighed as Thor’s arms came up around her.<br/>“Beloved Jane.  If you think something bad has happened, then I believe you.  Perhaps however, the corridor is not the best place for things.”  Thor looked and sounded worried, but Jane felt a sudden chill, and peered up at him.  What if, what if he was in on it?  Whatever it was?</p><p>“Jane?”  Thor asked, the concern in his voice growing with the odd way she was looking at him.</p><p>Jane smiled.  “I’m fine Thor.  We’ll talk about it later okay?”  And before Thor could do or say anything else, she pulled herself away from him and hurried back down the corridor.  </p><p>She refuses to look behind her.</p><p>A large part of her refuses to believe the thought that Thor would ever be behind anything nefarious, but she spends the rest of the day tense and on high alert.  She forgets the breakthrough she’d made.  Or perhaps, her mind whispers,  you aren’t sharing because you are afraid that all of the research you’ve been doing here is being tested on humans.  </p><p>Whichever way it was, Jane rushes to her living quarters when her shift is over and waits for Thor.</p><p>Thor barely has the door closed behind him when Jane, steeling her nerves, takes a deep breath and tells Thor everything that had happened.  Jane watches his face closely.  Thor is attentive when she speaks, always has been.  But it’s only when she reaches the part about the mysterious woman behind the door, that Thor begins to grow concerned.</p><p>She can see it in his face and Jane knows that Thor at least has no idea what's going on.</p><p>“I will help you find the answers you seek, beloved.  But we must be careful.  Whatever is going on here, it’s obvious that it is meant to be a great secret.  There will be no way of knowing who knows the truth of things.”  </p><p>Jane all but collapses into him.  Anxiety and fear giving way for relief.  “Thank you Thor.”</p><p>“It will be alright dearest.  It will be alright.”  Thor whispers into her hair and holds her tight.</p><p>Jane believes him.</p><p>---</p><p>Searching for H116 and H115  reveals nothing and it takes nearly a month before Jane finds an opportunity to access her supervisor, Ivan Petrovich’s computer.  <strong>H116</strong> gets a hit in the database  and what she sees in the files disgusts and horrifies her.  </p><p>Frightened now, Jane almost misses the sound of Ivan’s awful humming and only has the time to print on page from the file, and get back to her area before he rounds the corner.</p><p>Jane breathes and feels the weight of that single piece of paper burning a hole into her side for the rest of the day.</p><p>Later that evening Jane tells Thor that she saw proof that her research was being used on humans and she shows him the paper she’d printed off.</p><p>---</p><p><strong>Pierce Psychiatric Hospital</strong><br/><strong>Project:</strong> Black Widow<br/><strong>Hydra Co</strong><br/><strong>Case Number:</strong> 116<br/><strong>Patient Initials:</strong> NAR ‘Romanova’<br/><strong>Consultation Dated:</strong>  1998.10.25<br/><strong>Age At Consultation:</strong> 25<br/><strong>Gender:</strong> Female<br/><strong>Observing Physician:</strong> Ivan Petrovitch</p><p><strong>Therapy Status: </strong><br/>The ‘weakened’ version of the WALRIDER SERUM seems to have been largely successful in H116.  Subject does not appear to show any of the adverse side effects that the other patients seem to be affected by.  H116 has shown remarkable compliance with dream sequencing and does not need electroshock treatments at this time.</p><p><br/><strong>Diagnostic Notes: </strong><br/>Dream sequencing has also been largely successful in teaching H116 several different forms of combat.  It is our recommendation that dream sequencing continue.</p><p><strong>Interview Notes: </strong><br/>Please note that while H116 shows remarkable compliance, there are times when the subjects original personality shows through.  Further monitoring is necessary, but no action needs to be taken at this time.</p><p>---</p><p>“No one saw you?”  Thor asks in concern, and Jane just shakes her head.  Thor takes a deep breath.  “Okay.  I am going to send an email to a couple friends of mine.  I believe I have told you of them?”  Jane nods.  “Right.  They should be able to help my love.”</p><p>Jane throws her arms around his middle and squeezes as hard as she can.  “Be careful Thor.”</p><p>“I’ll be back later tonight, and we’ll leave this place, alright?”  Thor’s eyes are kind, and she agrees with him that leaving is the safest thing that they can do right now.</p><p>Jane watches him leave and goes to pack her essentials.  Most of her things can be replaced, she knows, and in a little while Thor will be back.  She wants to be ready.</p><p>It is an unfortunate thing then, that later never comes.  For either of them.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please don't forget to leave a comment!  I thrive on them.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Days Gone By</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steve's best friend has gone missing, and he's going to do whatever it takes to find him.  But everything has a price and Steve is going to find that he can't pay the toll.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter holds lots of description about the symptoms of ptsd, anxiety, depression and intermittent explosive disorder.  Keep in mind that not everybody who has ptsd suffers other mental disorders and not everyone experiences trauma and triggers in the way that is described here.  Not everyone with intermittent explosive disorder is physically violent, and no one who had to deal with it does so on purpose.</p>
<p>This chapter delves very much into the dark side of mental disorder, be forewarned and be careful that you don't accidentally trigger yourself while reading it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had surprised Steve how difficult it had been to find a homeless one-armed vet, but Bucky had been trained to disappear and even though it had taken a while, <em>over a year of searching for the only family he had</em>, Steve had finally found his lost friend in a homeless shelter in Iowa.</p>
<p>He couldn't imagine how hard life had been for Bucky who had spent two years isolated and alone from everyone and everything, because he’d lost his arm in battle and didn't know how to cope, and Bucky had been filthy, and dirty and <em>suffering</em> fro a melting pot of ptsd, anxiety, depression and what would later be diagnosed as intermittent explosive disorder.</p>
<p>Bucky’d always had a temper to some degree, and his soul had gotten harder while in service to his country.  But losing his arm seemed to have sent Bucky over some kind of edge, and it was only after a sudden outburst of rage, <em>wall to wall, everything had been broken, including Steve’s arm</em>, that Bucky had finally agreed to move back to Brooklyn with him and see the doctor that Steve had found.</p>
<p>Dr. Arnim Zola had been recommended to Steve by Peggy, a friend of his that he had met and grown close to while overseas during one of his tours, and after some serious research;  Dr. Zola was a much lauded expert in his chosen field and was an expert in helping wounded veterans suffering from ptsd, and other disorders that fell under it’s frighteningly massive umbrella;  Steve had contacted the man and he’d been told by the good Doctor himself that if Steve could get Bucky to New York, and keep him there, then Dr. Zola would be more than willing to see Sargent Barnes and help him with his trauma.</p>
<p>But moving back to Brooklyn hadn’t been easy.  Not even with Bucky’s complete agreement.</p>
<p>For one thing, Bucky could barely go outside without suffering from near crippling panic attacks that not only were they in danger from insurgents, but that everyone that saw Bucky was laughing at him because of his missing arm.</p>
<p>So, even though it took awhile, They’d both learned that, so long as there were minimal people around and they stayed at a distance from them, Bucky could move around more at night without being debilitated by anxiety.</p>
<p>It took a while, adjusting to sleeping during the day and staying up at night, and a long drive, with Bucky who had a hard staying in a moving vehicle for lengths at a time, but eventually they made it to Brooklyn and the apartment that Steve had had set up from them in advance with the help of their old unit.</p>
<p>
  <em>When Bucky was ready, the 106 would be there to celebrate their Sarge’s strength and reintegration back into society.</em>
</p>
<p>Months went by with Bucky slowly getting better and some days, Steve would swear that Bucky was completely recovered, and that everything was okay again, only to have something innocuous trigger him and it would feel like they’d gone right back to square one, with days of recuperating from it.</p>
<p>It was an endless cycle and Steve did his best not to despair.  He’d been told that Bucky would struggle with ptsd for the rest of his life, but that eventually, the good would outweigh the bad.</p>
<p>Then the nightmares had started.  That wasn't to say that Bucky hasn't already been having nightmares, he did, but these had been different.  </p>
<p>Words and images that confused and frightened Bucky and Steve, concerned with this new development asked Dr. Zola who told him that it was a normal part of recovery.  </p>
<p>
  <em>‘Sometimes Steven, the brain develops seemingly random ways to deal with trauma so that it can begin to recover from it.’</em>
</p>
<p>Steve hadn’t been totally convinced but he let it go as best he could and tried not to smother his friend with his concern more than he already was.  He knew his concern and worry for Bucky sometimes irritated the man but Bucky never said anything to make Steve stop.</p>
<p>He knew it was because Bucky still felt guilty for snapping Steve’s arm in two places, and no matter how often Steve told him that he forgave him, it never seemed to lessen Bucky’s guilt.  He’d hurt his best friend, his brother, and it was something that Bucky didn't think he would be able to ever truly forgive himself for.</p>
<p>One year to the day after Bucky had begun therapy, he went missing.</p>
<p>The office Dr. Zola had used in that year appeared to have never been used at all, <em>a building that had been condemned for years,</em> and nobody believed Steve.</p>
<p>Bucky had gone missing once already when he’d come back from the war, their friends knew how much Bucky had been struggling and thought that he’d just run off again.  No believed that it was anything else.</p>
<p>Nobody would believe him.</p>
<p>What followed was nearly six years of searching and following leads as far as they would take him before he found out that one Dr. Arnim Zola had never actually been a therapist.  He’d been a scientist with many, many accolades to his name until he’d begun participating in unethical experiments on humans.<br/>
Steve wasn't a scientist and he’d had to look up a lot of what he’d read about Zola, but the basics of it were that the experiments Zola had been working on had involved suggestive dream therapy and enhancing the human body.</p>
<p>Arnim Zola when he’d been found out had lost his Doctorates and every accolade and award he’d ever received from the scientific community.</p>
<p>Steve also found out that Zola was currently working at Pierce Psychiatric Hospital, and truly had been.</p>
<p>He had the deep suspicion that the dreams Bucky had been having in the months before he’d disappeared had been caused by Zola’s suggestive dream therapy.</p>
<p>A tip had Steve applying for a position at the hospital.  They liked people with a military record, though they didn't care if they’d had an honorable discharge or not and with Steve’s frankly impressive military record, he’d been hired almost immediately.</p>
<p>He spends a year walking the perimeter fences before he’s promoted and given a position working within the upper levels of the hospital itself and with better access to information on the personnel only servers Steve starts digging.</p>
<p>He finds that Zola is listed not as a scientist but as a ‘progressive therapist’ and that he worked with patients in D block.  The problem with this of course was that as far as Steve knew, there was no D block.  There is A, which held the temporary residences, B which held long term care patients, and C block which holds the permanent residences.  People who’s mental disorders are so severe that allowing them back into society would put everyone around them in danger.</p>
<p>Steve asks to be transferred to C block, ‘He’s big, he’s fast, and he’s strong. He can handle the crazies.”  Is what his superior officer Rumlow tells his boss, and Steve gets his transfer.</p>
<p>Everything is good.  Everything is fine.  Steve knows he’s getting closer and closer to finding Bucky.</p>
<p>Except one day in early September, Steve wakes up naked, strapped down to a metal table in a brightly lit room he’s never been in.</p>
<p>The lightly accented voice of Arnim Zola greets him.</p>
<p>“Captain Rogers.”  Steve turns his head and looks at the man that had taken his family from him.</p>
<p>Zola is standing there in a white lab coat with his arms behind his back.  The Doctor is calm and carries a trace of amusement in his eyes that makes Steve want to break Zola’s face over.</p>
<p>The gag in his mouth keeps Steve from expressing such a sentiment to the other man, and Arnim’s amusement only grows.</p>
<p>“You have been looking for quite some time for your friend Sergeant Barnes.”  Zola leans forward just a little.  “<em>Congratulations</em> then, must be given Captain.”  He straightens then and snaps his fingers.</p>
<p>Another lab coat wearing male, a small mousy looking thing that wont look up from the floor, turns a large flat screen tv around to face them, and Arnim Zola’s grin is a dark wicked thing as he says, “You found him.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Bucky went missing on a Thursday, and so did Steve.</p>
<p>If anyone finds any errors please let me know so that I can fix it.  I don't have a beta after all, and my eyes are usually the only ones that see this before anyone else.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Note</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>So, like the summary says, I'm unhappy with the flow of the story.  So, I'm adding stuff and hopefully making it not only easier to read but more engaging for everyone.   This chapter will be removed when the revisions are done so keep checking back here for updates!</p><p>Chapter One: Currently undergoing overhaul  (Start Date: 08-14-20 : Updated: 09-10-2020)</p><p>Chapter Two: Will be put through an overhaul  (Start Date:  : Updated: )</p><p>Chapter Three: Will be put through an overhaul  (Start Date:  : Updated: )</p><p>Chapter Four: Will be put through an overhaul  (Start Date: : Updated: )</p><p>Chapter Five:  Will be put through an overhaul  (Start Date:  : Updated: )</p><p>Chapter Six:  Still in the process of being written!  But This chapter will replace this note!!</p>
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